Oh hi blog. It’s been so long I don’t even know where to start. So I’m just going to jump into how to make hot-and-numb shredded chicken, a delicious cold side dish:

1. Come home from work, check fridge and realize you have leftover chicken that has been there for juuust long enough that maybe you should throw it out?

2. Smell chicken. Smells okay. Start shredding the cold chicken into bowl with your fingers and enjoy playing with food. Tell yourself a joke (“what did the brown chicken say to the brown cow? ….. BROWNG-CHI-KA-BROWNG-COW!!”) and laugh out loud to yourself.

3. Throw ~ 1 tbsp of Sichuan peppercorns onto foil and pop into the toaster oven to toast ’em up.

4. Slice 1-2 scallions (greens and white parts) sprinkle on top of shredded chicken. Enjoy the colors in your bowl and bust out your camera and your overhead shots. “This is going to make a great blog post!”

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5. Suddenly realize your toaster is smoking and your Sichuan peppercorns have burnt into a black crisp. Curse out loud. Throw out peppercorns, put fresh tablespoon of peppercorn into toaster.

6. Assemble dressing ingredients: sesame oil, spicy sesame oil, chili oil, soy sauce (not pictured). Whisk together in a separate bowl with sugar until sugar is dissolved. Pour over chicken. Taste, adding more oil or soy sauce or salt.

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7. Smell burning peppercorns again. How the hell do these little buggers burn so quickly?!?? Dump burnt peppercorns, put in new peppercorns again. Stand in front of toaster this time and wait for those little shits toast. Take out when it smells good, not burnt. Feels good, man.

8. Crush the crisped up peppercorns in mortar and pestle. It will smell amaze-balls, and make satisfying crunching sounds.

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9. Sprinkle crushed peppercorns and some crushed red peppers over chicken. Mix well and enjoy with bowl of rice, or congee, or noodle soup.

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BAM.

(I used leftover boiled chicken, which work best for the recipe. The chicken stays tender and juicy. But roast chicken is fine too, you may just need extra dressing. A blend of white and dark meats is best.)

 

 

 

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